


Vacancy

by AudaciousAngel



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-06 02:01:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12807174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudaciousAngel/pseuds/AudaciousAngel
Summary: Tiberius Blackthorn has been through a lot in his life, but after what had happened all he feels is emptiness; a hole that can simply not be filled...





	Vacancy

“What about this?” Kit suggested, pointing to something on the page of the book he was holding. His long, slender fingers spreading out over the page carefully..  
Ty and Kit had positioned themselves on the floor of Kit’s bedroom; the room he had allocated in the London institute anyway. They were sitting side by side, backs against the side of the bed, so they were facing the rest of the room. Kit had the book balanced in his hands, with his knees up, using his legs as a stand.  
“That is interesting, it may be connected but not exactly what I'm looking for. Mark it down though” Ty replied, leaning over slightly, looking over Kit’s shoulder, but still making sure there was a little distance between them.  
Kit had a pad of paper beside him that he was using down to note things down, although he, like Ty, should be able to retain the information.

Kit let out a yawn as his back was arched, leaning over to write. His shirt rising, showing a patch of bare skin of his back.  
Ty immediately looked away, going back to reading the book placed in front of him. They had been reading and trying to work out their endeavor for hours now, Ty estimated that it was probably around 3 in the morning.  
“Anything on your end?” Kit asked, returning to his stance of his back against the bed frame, knees up. There was another heavy rise and fall of his chest from having yawned again, he sounded exhausted. Ty turned his head back to Kit, feeling his eyes linger on him briefly but didn't pay any attention, before returning back to the book. They had been sitting close to each other, though not so close that their shoulders brushed or anything, but it was as notable to Ty as if they were sitting atop each other.  
“Not yet,” he spoke into the book “although I've been thinking whilst reading, and I think I may have found a sort of correlation-” Ty was cut of by the sudden pressure of Kit’s head landing on his shoulder, releasing a harsh gasp.  
He attempted to shuck him off, not wanting the contact, but Kit’s lank head and body just seemed slide down his side, resting just above his hip.  
Ty began to panic. The contact was spreading like needles, flooding through his entire body. He could practically feel every nerve cell spark off each other. He had tensed all over, holding his breath after his gasp.  
He quickly looked around to see if he could find something, anything that could be a substitute for cushioning Kit’s head.  
Pillows, he thought, a pillow would be a good idea. He leaned behind him. Glad that he had long arms and fingers, meant that he could reach to grab a pillow from the top of bed relatively easily. Once grabbed, the plush material tender under his hands, Ty attempted to lift Kit’s head carefully: so not to stir He placed the pillow underneath Kit’s head neatly, before extracting himself under Kit and sliding to the side. He had caught the feeling of Kit’s hair, it was softer than he had imagined.  
Relief overcame him. It wasn't that he hadn't liked Kit and his contact, it was just that it was abrupt, unwanted, and disobliging. Ty expelled a breath, tried to return to the book he was reading. He turned up the volume of his music slightly, praying that Kit won't snore or disturb him any more.

It was clear that Kit had simply passed out with exhaustion; which was just a little inconvenienced, but couldn't really be helped. Besides, where Ty could go on for nights without sleep (and often food) to resolve a case, Kit probably hadn't experienced this length of strenuous mental activity and would probably function better when having rest. Ty was okay on his own.  
He found himself, rather unfortunately, getting distracted looking at Kit. The rise and fall of his body was soothing. Regular movement had always been calming, but also; Kit was admirable.  
His unruly gold hair had started to fan slightly where he had succumbed into the pillow, resembling a sort of halo.  
There was also something pleasant about his face. This was really the best opportunity of taking in his features without drawing attention or intruding and unsettling Kit not that Kit had ever objected much beforehand, but it was only one side of his face he could see which was disappointing.  
Ty identified that there was a light dusting of freckles across his cheek, however faint.  
With his eyes closed, Ty was obviously not able to see the radiant blue that he was finding himself looking at more often, not exactly so they directly looking at each other in spite of it. His eyelashes were like that of a feather's, not ones that hooked like a bird's wing feathers often would; delicate. Though they did interlock and overlap as they were closed. They were light for eyelashes, probably because of the colour of his hair, Ty assumed. The line of his eyebrows seemed to shape a stretched out L, being roughly a shade or two lighter than his eyelashes. He came to the curve of where his nose protruded from his face, he seemed to have a rather graceful shaped nose, Ty thought. It was fairly delicate for his face to have.  
He then came to studying his lips, also something that was almost too exquisite. Kit seemed to always have a constant quirk to the side of his mouth, Ty had depicted that it was usually full of amusement, chagrin, or sometimes even disgruntlement; now it only seemed to be in a straight line. Ty was somewhat proud that he could now identify most expressions, although he often had no explanation as to why they may be feeling that way.  
Like most Herondales Ty had been told about, Kit had similar, handsome features. Such things like his beauty, which was apparently strange for a boy or male to have, but Ty did know that Kit was beautiful. He had admired his jaw-line too; it was stark but was still soft with innocence, only just beginning to sharpen with maturity.  
Ty looked back over the rest of Kit’s face, there was still only a brief colouring of golden tan that remained in Kit’s skin. Being in England had quickly faded tanned skin for everyone else; but for Kit it still remained and was only beginning to fade, however gradually. He also realised that unconscious like this, Kit was practically expressionless. It stumped him a little as he had read about how usually when people were unconscious they had an expression written all over their faces. Ty wondered whether it was just harder for him to identify or something so he studied harder: finding himself leaning closer, ending up shadowing over Kit.  
He also noticed that Kit mustn't be dreaming something drastic, if not anything at all, as his eyelids showed no movement, and his breathing was still a constant rhythm, but there wasn't really peace written over his face. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed though, suggesting confusion. This bemusement intrigued Ty and suddenly he wanted to be inside that dream with Kit: to see what he was confused about, so they could work it out together.  
That then startled him. Snapping him back to a brief reality, sinking back into his original position with his back against the bed frame. 

Wanting to be inside someone’s head was something he had always been curious of; but only to understand how their brain worked compared to his; why they saw the world differently to him. He had never been particularly excited over that prospect. It had always made him think of Victorians thinking the brains of humans were like machines, made of cogs and gears. Although that theory is still around today, he never fully understood Psychology and it felt incriminating.

What also startled him most was the fact that it was Kit; Kit had always been someone who intrigued him and thought he had a good enough understanding of. Often enough he could predict what he was undoubtedly thinking. Though his humour was a grey area; like most humour. Kit was the first person, he truly believes, to understand him.  
Ty had never understood why people treated him differently, why Julian didn’t often let Ty do his own thing. From things like when he wanted to be a part of the Scholomance to when he couldn’t keep animals in his room. He had known from conversations between people like Julian that he was different; he always knew that he saw the world in a different light to everyone else, much brighter probably than people could handle. He’d wanted someone to not feel like they were treading around eggshells whilst with him, or even be too demanding or to chastise.  
Livvy, of course, could identify when he needed comfort and predict his reactions to things. But she had only observed that over years of growing up with him- she didn't necessarily understand them.  
It almost seemed right to want to know what Kit was thinking.

Ty knew that Julian desperately wanted to understand him. Ty, as of late, had identified that it was always written on his face whenever he looked at Ty. Julian had always been accepting though; that he was different. Protecting him more fiercely and in a different way than Jules did the others- he didn’t exactly understand this though.  
Ty had begun to despair after Mark, Helen and his Father left his world. His father, although had grown distant to all the children after the passing of their Mother, was someone Ty relied on. Helen was often away towards the lead up to the dark war, as she was with Aline, but he knew she was always kind. Ty had always deemed Mark as someone who understood him, or would understand.  
Mark was half-faerie which indicated that he would think differently to that of a Shadowhunter, meaning different morals and often a different outlook of the world. He liked the quirkiness of Mark as well.  
When Mark had left, Ty became distraught; that maybe nobody would understand. He certainly didn't think Julian would.  
At the time of the Endarkened war, Julian was at that age where he was in his own world and didn't particularly want to interact with his siblings overly much (certainly not the ones that were younger), despite the fact that Julian often had to look after Tavvy. After Julian had killed their Father in front of them all, Ty never understood how or why Julian could do such a thing- he had hated him for that.  
Ultimately, Ty wanted people to find a cure for those lost souls, mostly to stop the chaos as he loathed it. Moving from place to place, not having ever been in that place before and having trauma ring through his ears every 5 minutes was something he just simply couldn't handle.  
The Dark War had broken the family up but also brought them together. Julian stepped forward. Without that happening, Ty was almost certain that they wouldn't be like they are now, how close they all were, and also how determined Julian now was. It was something that Ty had always been aware of but could never distinguish properly.  
Again and again Ty thought it ominous how Julian treated him differently. It was also confusing when something was clearly ambiguous; coming so close to tell him something and then telling him another thing that was clearly not what Julian had wanted to say. Ty was curious, but he knew Julian had his reasons.  
Ty was annoyed that he hadn't figured out that Julian was running the Institute, but vaguely understood why Julian didn't tell.

Ty had always wanted to sought out someone to understand him. Livvy was his anchor in many ways, but he needed another. When Mark came back Ty was relieved. He knew the pressure on Julian's shoulders should surely alleviate, but instead added on another grievance upon them. It wasn't Mark’s fault though, while in Faerie he changed to being more like that of the Fey. Ty was still hoping that Mark would understand, but was distraught when he got aggravated. Ty hadn’t meant to cause any anger or vexation. He had almost given up, thinking that at least he would have Livvy and that he may face the world alone, inside his own head.  
Until of course, Kit. They had met before his argument with Mark, but he was only curious and thought that Kit may just be a mundane with the sight- as that is what he had been told, along with that he was probably a crook like his Father. Ty saw more though, not that he could pinpoint it exactly when they first met, or even whether he could identify it now.  
When it turned out that he was a Shadowhunter, Ty grew more interested. He hadn't especially known why he’d sat outside Kit’s door himself, he was mostly monitoring him; predicting that he would try to run away. He had caught snippets of the conversation Kit had had outside the doors when first arriving, having ended up falling through the doors onto Ty. Ty became surprised when Kit laughed at what he said in return, having identified him as the one who had held a knife to his throat- he didn't know whether Kit was laughing at the situation or at him, which made him feel a little uneasy.  
As Kit became a friend, things seemed to fall into place naturally. Ty felt like he could already distinguish his thoughts and feelings, which was a new thing that Ty had never really been able to do with anyone before. What was most alarming though was that Kit understood him, sometimes it took him a little while, but he was always considerate and always wanted to learn or discover it for himself. Instead of just yearning and/or being there, or accepting without knowing. He had a deep appreciation for Kit, although he didn’t know how to let him know.

Kit then moved slightly which cut Ty out of his reverie. Even unconscious Kit was being helpful, of sorts.  
Kit could cause him some confusion at the most inappropriate times. Unlike finding Kit’s homour (or anyone’s humour) to be puzzling; Kit had made him think and feel things that alarmed Ty. Never had he wanted to be so close to anyone like he had often thought when being around Kit, sometimes not even when he was with Kit. It scared him, but he had found himself also being intrigued; wanting to find where it led. He hadn’t yet explored these feelings though. He felt protected around Kit, which was ridiculous as Ty was probably more advanced in the department of defense.  
Ty had been surprised yet relieved when Kit said he didn't want to leave, to actually fulfill being a Shadowhunter. Shadowhunting had always been something Ty was sceptical about. He didn't like how demanding it was, how did you know if people like vampires and werewolves were truly bad? You needed evidence to support that. He had always been cut loose when training; he had to be in the mood to do it. He often thought of his life without Shadowhunting which was something he couldn't grasp- there was something oddly satisfying being able the wield weapons, especially his own throwing knives. He was glad to know someone who had experience outside Shadowhunting; that actually did look at the world differently and assumingly thrived there. He had been relieved as well because he had found himself not ready for Kit to leave him. Having grown attached to him without knowing him properly.

Ty once again tried to get stuck into his book. So he did, for awhile at least. This was very strange for him; once he was reading a book, he could usually never put it down until it was finished.   
He had spotted a spider scuttling up the wall beside him, only out of the corner of his eye. It began weaving a web, which Ty had always found simply fascinating. He watched it fall and drop whenever it got caught by a draught, then as it picked itself up, started again. There was something about spiders and their webs that was the most enchanting thing Tiberius had possibly ever come across. They could withstand rain, snow, ice and dust yet when a bigger organism comes by, they damage it- usually a human, with which they also end up killing the spider, along with its masterpiece. Ty never understood how people could get creeped out by insects or arachnids of any sort. They are wondrous beings that are very important in everyday life, though people forget it. If they weren’t any insects or microorganisms, there wouldn’t be any decomposition, therefore, no development of new life. Everything is linked; just like a spiders web.

Ty then realised something. Everything is a chain reaction. Whether that was a food chain, a cycle of life, or even human emotion. It startled Ty because things surged through his mind, making him a little light-headed. Making a gasp, he sat up, looking around and grabbed the notes Kit had been putting down. He admired Kit’s handwriting, which was unwarranted- it was another thing that was just seemed too delicate for Kit to have. He looked over what they had and begun create a mind-map of the cause and effects of each action, to correlate them properly.  
It worked; they all linked up in a cycle. Ty thought he could even predict something. Ty felt a wave of solace, then guilt- he had supposed to work this out with Kit.  
He thought of waking up Kit, reluctantly going to shake him awake; wanting to show him his discovery, but thought better of it. He would let him know when he was awake. Once again the feeling of cracking a case thrilled him, in spite of the fact that the conclusion filled him with malaise. Something that he came to relate with Sherlock; although Ty doubted that he would end up injecting himself with cocaine to put his mind at ease, as drugs could amplify that. Nevermind the fact that Shadowhunters could never affiliate themselves with Mundane drugs of any kind. He slunk back, feeling a little empty now that he had practically solved it; he thought of reading again but instead his mind wandered. He had been doing this frequently lately.

Without warrant, he started thinking again. This time of Livvy and home. The absence of Livvy had done something to him that he never thought he could relate to. The term ‘a hole you simply can’t fill’ was the best way he had come to explain it, and he was a boy that had lost many things; first his mother, then his father, then his half-brother and sister. He didn’t regard Arthur as a great loss, as he had barely known him. Livvy was a person he had needed and relied on for so long that it was second nature for him to expect her to come and comfort him.  
Of course he had been upset, angry and distraught over his parents deaths and the absence of his siblings. Change had never been anything he had condoned, except possibly his own which he found he had little control over at times. He got angry over things that he couldn’t control.  
He liked arranging things; knowing where things were and how they should be. He also identified thoughts, feelings, actions and emotions with colour, much like what he did with organising his things within his room.  
Livvy passing had made him angry, which he associated with red, but red had always been a favourite of his. Anger was something he could expel something on, he had more control over his temper now compared to when he was younger though, knowing that it was bad to have a tantrum about everything had been a hard thing to accept; he mostly kept things bottled in him which was confining at times.

He was angry at the Clave, the Cohort, Annabel and Malcolm too, as he knew that this wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t been so determined to raise Annabel from the dead. Another chain reaction, he thought. It also made him unreasonably sympathetic towards Malcolm as he identified the injustice bestowed upon them all, but that made him scared; that he could potentially feel the same as a murderer did.  
He also had an unyielding determination that he associated with Julian, he often got scared by that also. That then brought in the colours of orange and purple. Two colours which he didn’t particularly like at all. Determination was an emotion he had felt more often, especially when cracking codes and cases until they were fulfilled, this was orange. Being scared could happen a lot or very little, it depended on the situation, it was also usually tied in whenever he felt anxious which he never liked, this was purple.  
Ty hated the complexity of not having just one emotion at one given time.

Ty missed his home. His books and his room; his own space, although he would only let Livvy in that space. He often thought of introducing Kit but found he wasn’t ready to show him yet, that is why Ty always came into Kit’s room.  
His room was his sanctuary, along with the library- he associated those rooms with a warm yellow. The training room was often a room where he felt safe to be in; from experience this was also a place that he had felt pressure loom over him, making him angry when put out of his comfort zone- this deduced the room to being red as well, but darker.  
Here in London, the coordination of the rooms were relatively the same as the Los Angeles institute but it was dank here. Association with colours of browns and grey, which were both colours that could be related with things that were natural -such things like animals- but were also sometimes cold colours, making him feel lonely.  
The room he was in, was not his room. He wanted to go home desperately. That was yet another unclear thing as it was infested with the Centurions, who originally Ty admired, but now loathed. He didn’t want to equate himself to those people any more.  
When they arrived Ty didn’t feel safe within his own home which had only been identified one other time in his life: this was the time Sebastian stormed in during the Dark War. It made him scared and anxious, as the memory was one that was stark.

He then listed the changes that lead up to the Centurions arrival, seeing whether they connected; finding that they did.

First the Blackthorns left Emma behind while they visited their Aunt in England for two months. This alone was unsettling: Ty hadn’t liked the time difference, being away from home, the place they stayed at, the fact that his Aunt was unnerving and also the fact that Emma wasn’t with them.  
When they arrived back from England there was Cristina. Cristina he was okay with, she reminded him a little of Helen; how gentle and kind she was, but also held her own authority when it was needed. She didn’t pose as a threat to him, to condemn him or caused any affliction on his part. Plus, he knew she would be there in advance, before the visit to England.  
Mark had been a relief when they first heard he was home, it was also exciting. Ty didn’t understand or like the screaming that Mark entailed. Which unsettled him from the original image he had of Mark. He liked to think that his two coloured eyes was a statement of how he was Fey and Shadowhunter rolled into one. It made him stand out more which Ty didn’t know how to comprehend exactly.  
The whole family was then involved in helping Emma solve the case of the murder of her parents which Ty and Livvy were assigned a decoding. This was riveting for a while, before it just seemed to become common.

There were a lot of things that sparked up around this time, he also wanted to show Julian that he was more than what he had been assigned to do, he wanted to explore for himself; this is when he met Kit. He had felt proud of himself for being the reason they got the information out of Johnny Rook, although Ty knew not to show it as he was almost certain Jules was about to yell at him when they came away. Only slightly did he feel guilty for raising a knife to Kit’s throat, without this happening Ty would have never have meat Kit; Another chain. Ty remembered that that was the first time Julian let himself go a little with him, almost letting Ty take care of him for a brief moment.  
Diego was not anticipated, but Ty became fascinated when finding out he was a Centurion. He had mixed feelings over Diego, from whispers between Emma and Cristina, most importantly the glares that Emma had shot him and for his nickname of ‘Perfect Diego’ which Ty didn’t fully understand. Diego ended up confusing him more when he couldn’t identify whether he was a good or bad person; whether he should be trusted or hated.  
Malcolm betraying them had shaken Ty; he was angry with him. He had associated Malcolm with being a little too naive with the world. When finding that was just a mask, again Ty had found himself wishing he had seen it coming beforehand. He also desperately wanted to solve that case, Tavvy had unbelievably been the one to identify the poem. Ty had felt a surge of something come over him; a relief of getting a step closer, but also what must have been jealousy and a feeling of letting the rest of the family down as he was the one who cracked codes- him and Livvy anyway.  
The Battle had been something Ty was happy to comply with, he had been offended that Julian suggest he stay home with his slightly injured leg, but Ty refused, he was a Shadowhunter after all. This also lead to the proper introduction of Kieran, who originally sounded like someone the family couldn’t trust, especially after the whipping of Emma and Julian. At this time, the library had also been destroyed for a second time which Ty was annoyed about. Kieran was a huge help to the case of defeating Malcolm. Well, the first time anyway. Ty was still unsure about the Faerie Prince, but he seemed practically harmless.  
There was then the intrusion of Clary, Jace, Magnus and the Inquisitor in the Institute which was ominous, and scary considering they had broken the cold peace laws and others. The Inquisitor was also someone who was identified as a threat from the time of the Dark War.

Kit arriving had been a surprise to say the least. Ty had been intrigued and infatuated by Kit from the beginning. When he had first seen the colour of the boy’s eyes, blue, immediately they calmed him. Blue had always been a favourite colour of his, it was calming, it was also different to the colour that all of his sibling had adopted; blue-green like the ocean where he only had stark grey. Then gold was another radiant colour which was always admirable. Kit hadn’t posed as a threat- not a giant one anyway. Sure he may have attempted stealing things from the institute and running away, but Ty knew that Kit would likely do those things. Being raised by a crook would certainly make him that way, he was in a situation to get used to. Being told that he was a Shadowhunter, his father dying, his home being destroyed and ending up somewhere with people you didn’t know and people you had been told were a danger mustn’t have been easy to accept. Not to mention finally having a reason for why you saw more things than ‘ordinary mundanes’. For the first time Ty seemed to have sympathy for a person- later empathy.  
Kit had been very considerate with him, also patient. Ty hoped he had been the same for him.

The Centurions had messed up everything. From the moment they stepped through the door they had made things 10 times worse. Ty loathed all that went on, he still did. The only thing really was the interest in Kit, everything else that followed was calling for a spiral. Julian, Emma, Cristina and Mark went away, they were left with the Centurions -although it did entail an investigation-, they found out the plans of Zara, there was then the reveal of Julian having run the Institute, Malcolm having come back to life and seeking a Blackthorn life, the move to the London Institute. When the four came back with Kieran there was a reveal of death of Arthur and the resurrection of Annabel, the final death of Malcolm, rendering the Institute in the hands of the Centurions, and also Emma and Julian had to go on a mission again to Cornwall. 

The appearance of Magnus and Alec confused Ty, he liked them and knew of them but he did feel a little intimidated by them. There was something about Magnus that didn’t seem right to him; he was aware from previous accounts that Magnus had quite a glamourous, advantageous persona. It seemed like he was being drained of that whilst being in his company. Ty had admired Alec in a certain way; he had a calming nature to him. He was also rather conscientious which Ty was akin to. Although he found it was rather incriminating on himself whenever it came to them both being curious of him, even though he had no explanation as to why, but the attention did go mostly to Kit in the ‘peculiar people’ category.  
The angst of the council meeting had not good either. As it was, Ty’s anxiety levels were high. It would be his second time in the council hall, after the Dark War incident, although he was still too young to be in there. He had associated that place as dubious, eliciting the colour of mauve. He also was unexpectedly disheartened that Kit wasn’t going to be with him. He was happy when seeing Helen and Aline, and anticipated in hoping that all went well. All of these different things were not helping, melding together, so he was at a constant with fidgeting and fiddling with his hands. The raucous hadn’t helped either. He had been surprised when he was able to contain it within him, he knew that’s how he was meant to act as to not draw attention, so that’s what he had attempted to do. He was also confused with everything that was going on, he couldn’t keep up with it all. It was disorienting; it happened so quickly but also so slowly at the same time, then what happened to Livvy…  
Ty’s ears had rung loudly, his vision also went dark and everything just seemed to get to him; he ended up passing out because of it all. Of course, at the time, he didn’t know whether Livvy would survive but something in him felt that her essence had gone somewhere. He dipped once into consciousness when the clock chimed but had then dipped back out.  
Something new was hollow inside of him after he woke from passing out; he was back in the London Institute then, in ‘his room’. The feeling unsettled him. He wanted to throw the biggest tantrum he had ever thrown in his life. Breaking things was not his solution though; he hated the sound of shattering. He remembered he once told Kit that crowds of people and too many noises were like glass breaking inside his head, and the time when Julian had to extract glass from his hands and feet. At that moment he felt empty. It was possibly the most stagnant moment in his life. Not until the door opened and he saw Helen come in did sound begin return to his senses. Gradually his other senses had started to come back, then fade again. He felt nothing. He didn’t want to scream and shout or get angry, or even cry. He had no emotion. That shocked him: that he didn’t feel anything, anything at all. One by one his senses returned as Helen talked to him. He hadn’t replied though. He didn’t feel like communicating in any way. Helen raised a hand as if to console him, placing it on top of his but he didn’t want it. Her kind pale face carefully forming words. He hadn’t known what to do really, except possibly sit in a corner and curl up. Everything was just too overwhelming. She had tried giving him a sympathetic smile, with tears rolling over her cheeks, dropping onto the bed. She then left. That’s when he knew that Livvy had gone. 

He had wanted things to go back to way they were, but nothing felt safe. His home wasn’t safe; what he had been taught was meant to be safe, definitely wasn’t. He almost didn’t feel like he belonged. The worst thing was that he couldn’t feel any emotion, it was just blank space, there was no colour or anything either.  
Ty had now raised his knees into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around his knees. He rocked himself slightly and tried to focus on his music. Another tactic he had picked up was naming things within the room; so that’s what he did. With his eyes and slight movement of his head he scanned the room: Bed, mattress, pillow, window, curtain, lamp, spider, web, books, rug, logs, fireplace, stone, clock, portrait, painting, dresser, drawers, wardrobe, clothes, Kit…  
“Ty?” came a faint, delirious voice. Ty felt a jolt go through him and honed in on the sound. “Ty are you alright?” Kit’s voice was small but it was more prominent now.  
Ty didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to say anything again, just carry on with what he was doing, no matter how much he yearned for Kit to hold him.  
“You’re clearly upset” he turned himself over so he was laying on his stomach.  
“I’m not upset” Ty snapped, being harsher than he meant.  
“Okay, sorry for that assumption. You seem… unsettled” he was choosing his words carefully.  
“Of course I am” he said quietly. Wasn’t it obvious?  
“What would you like me to do?” Kit offered as he began to sit up so he was properly facing Ty.  
“Nothing, I’ll be fine”  
“You’re clearly not though, Tiberius” now he was beginning to be fierce. Ty was startled, his eyes unlatched from staring at the fireplace opposite him and came around to look at Kit.  
Ty liked his name on Kit’s tongue; it had been hard for the family and Emma to say his name when they were little, hence the nickname -like all of their names seemed to be shortened down to- except Emma.  
Kit was a little disheveled, his unruly hair sticking up in places, his lips formed a rather harsh line that Ty had never associated with Kit before. His eyebrows were also furrowed, in anger or concern, Ty couldn’t differentiate. He daren’t look at his eyes though, they would probably only disappoint him.  
“No” Ty said simply, he knew it wasn’t a distinct reply. He felt his face become tight. He was honestly not in the mood for having more than one emotion right now, he faced forward once again.  
Kit’s facial expression then suddenly changed to being full of sadness, or pity, Ty didn’t want that.  
“Ty-” he had said with copious amounts of emotion that Ty couldn’t decipher. It also sent a shock of something through Ty, it was surprisingly warm. He felt like shaking his head, wanting to rid everything. It was too much.

Ty found himself standing up, trying to find balance as his legs had pins and needles because he had been holding them too tightly. He attempted to walk to the door, promptly opened it and stormed out, although not slamming it shut. All he needed was air.  
He made a beeline to the attic, cutting through the corridors swiftly, making sure he didn’t rouse the household. Crossing the attic space and then opening the door. a powerful blow of cool air knocking him back slightly.  
Mist was in the air meaning it was damp and cold. The sky was grey but it was now coming on to sunrise so there was a pink tinge in the sky, making a horrible colour that felt disorienting. For miles up on this roof all you could see were houses, buildings, skyscrapers and construction sites. Ty didn’t mind looking at the landscape of the industrialisation of London, but he did associated the site with chaos. With too many noises and crowds melded together, creating an awful gothic, Victorian feel.  
This was the last straw.  
He didn’t have the sea either, just a putrid brown river. The air was full of pollution which wasn’t necessarily something that was overly different to Los Angeles but it was just not right. He now felt hot with anger, rage… all of it.  
He hated it, hated everything that was going on. He wished to set the whole of London on fire and laugh in the face of it.  
Fire was beautiful to Ty, it was also one of the most destructive things. Another complexity. 

He sunk to the ground. His hands automatically went to grab the stones that surrounded him. Not caring whether they were round or sharp, he held a tight grip on them. Not exactly realising his own strength, they dug into his palms. He didn’t feel any pain, only knowing that there was now warmth in his hands and a flow of thick, sticky liquid escaping them through his fingers. He didn’t need to look at his hands to tell that it was blood, he loosen his grip slightly, letting the blood seep out.  
This reminded him again of when he smashed a window in Alicante when he was 10. Julian had been so annoyed but was trying to keep calm whilst extracting the glass from his little brother’s hands and feet after what he had done. Livvy had comforted him and defended him, like she always had and always should have done.  
Hot tears began running down his face, his eyes closed, trying to hone in on any possible things he was feeling. He had found though that he had either lost too much blood, or that he was too overwhelmed to feel anything. The stones now felt like delicate feathers to him, with his mixed blood.  
He honestly thought that this would never end. That from here on out he would feel this way. That change would constantly happen, that he would be told how to act in front of certain people, that he would have to hold back, that he would have to be careful with what he told people, keep a handle on his frustration, to not be able to control anything. This horrible feeling of vacancy.  
His mind wandered again. Now wanting to throw things, beat things up. Throw knives, punch a wall, you can always heal yourself afterwards. His hands felt like they were talking to him, despite how he couldn’t feel them, but he did suddenly want to be throwing knives, to let out his anger. He didn’t feel like moving though. Despair of what to do clouded him and he wept a little more.  
Knives he accidentally associated with Kit from when they first met, and he didn’t want to think about Kit.  
Nothing made sense and everything was slipping through his fingers like sand, or even the blood that was in them now. He hadn’t ever understood that reference when that faerie said that they all had blood on their hands. Julian hadn’t even drawn a picture for him, which had briefly annoyed him.  
His mind kept on whirring and he almost couldn’t keep up with it. He just wished his brain to stop, but it wouldn’t. And that was it.  
He had no control over anything and he finally let out a scream that was buried deep within him.  
One of anger, sorrow, longing, despair, loss, hurt, grief, loneliness, hatred, emptiness, confusion, prejudice, fragility. He listed, becoming a mantra, identifying that they were all what he was feeling. He was astounded by his own identification.  
Now he wanted someone there; to hold him, rock him, make him feel something else.  
He got that wish. He soon felt a presence beside him. That presence he didn’t even need to open his eyes for to identify: Kit.  
Feverishly and tentatively Kit’s arms went around him, but with purpose, they were positioned strangely; one wrapping over his shoulder, and another under his arm. Ty did nothing to hold onto him though he just buried his head closer into Kit’s shoulder, he felt too weak to encircle his arms back around him, it was enough information for Kit to know that he was doing the right thing and it was okay. He tightened his hold on his body and Ty relaxed slightly. Kit was kneeling awkwardly on the ground but it didn’t stop him from crushing Ty into him, practically becoming one.  
Ty soon felt tears on his own shoulder, realising that they must be Kit’s. “Kit...” Ty said quietly, letting him know that he can let go. Kit did and Ty opened his eyes to look at him.  
Kit looked very emotional himself, it was like he was in physical pain to see Ty like this. He then seemed to scan over Ty’s body, checking him, visibly jolting when seeing his hands.  
“Ty- What have you done? Your hands” he said in disbelief, going to them, tenderly holding them with his own shaking hands. Ty didn’t mind, he couldn’t feel it.  
“I got angry. I needed to feel something” remembering the time Ty having lain Kit’s first rune on him suddenly flashed in front of his eyes.  
“Ty, I understand your frustration but please, don’t hurt yourself. It’s not good” Kit seemed to stare at Ty’s hands.  
“It’ll heal, I’ll get an iratze. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened” Ty said simply, not caring. Knowing what he was implying; Kit bit his lip.  
“I-I should clean you up,” Kit seemed to reassure himself as he attempted to stand up. “Come on, or do I have to carry you?” Ty wasn’t entirely sure whether the last comment was serious or not. He attempted to get up all the same, using Kit as a prop.  
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on? Whenever you’re ready though, I’ll be here” Kit said genuinely. There was a time where Ty would have been skeptical of that: ‘I’ll be here’. Now though he believed it and couldn’t think of a time where Kit would not mean it, that warmed him slightly.  
Ty nodded in return as they made their way back into the Institute. He stared at his shaking pale, bloodstained hands; turning them over. Switching from looking to his palms, to the backs and back again. The trickles of blood were flowing out into the calluses of his hands and down onto the cuffs of his sweatshirt, fanning like the spider web he saw being weaved earlier.  
He faintly smiled; it had become a full circle.

**Author's Note:**

> This was something that was floating in my head that needed to be put down. I wanted to share it with people to see what they thought. I know this doesn't have much fluff to it or anything remotely to do with relationship stuff, but I mostly wanted to see if I could write about Ty; get inside his head.  
> If you liked this please let me know!!! I would deeply appreciate it!  
> If you also would like to see more, I could take a stab in the dark and try another angle of writing, maybe some fluff pieces I don't know...  
> I hope you enjoyed this!! Thank you for reading!x ^-^  
> *By the way: Yes, I am English. Sorry if I confused any Americans or others with my spellings*


End file.
